When I imagined this time, I thought the struggles would be quite dramatic - battling cancer, enduring chemotherapy, grieving Mom’s decline while caring for her needs. Instead, the challenge lately has been notably non-dramatic. Most days I feel tired, draggy, mentally fuzzy and somewhat zoned-out. It seems very minor compared to the menu of side-effects I could be experiencing, and yet it’s surprisingly aggravating.
I’m used to feeling an ebb and flow to life - waves of energy, exhaustion, wonder, gratitude, sadness, anticipation. I usually get excited about ideas and am swept away pondering the possibilities of what they could mean and how they could make a difference. The beauty of the world generally knocks me off my feet at least once a day. And the harshness of the world. Now this monochromatic haze makes me long for the peaks and valleys of daily life.
Like any sickness or limitation, this renews a great appreciation for the simplicity of normal. Feeling healthy and alert is a gift that of course we take for granted, but what a gift it is.
May your days be blessed with ups and downs, exhaustion and wakefulness.
Yes how true that statement is for most ppl..definitely. for me too..ebb and Flo..great beauty and connection with life coupled with sorrow and disconnection all in a day. Thats life ehh.
ReplyDeleteI was actually reading through a few of your posts and wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I think you hit the nail right on the head when you mentioned in times of sickness, you begin to have a great appreciate on what is "normal". I had a quick question about your blog and was hoping you could email me back when you get the chance, thanks : )
ReplyDeleteEmmy