When I imagined this time, I thought the struggles would be quite dramatic - battling cancer, enduring chemotherapy, grieving Mom’s decline while caring for her needs. Instead, the challenge lately has been notably non-dramatic. Most days I feel tired, draggy, mentally fuzzy and somewhat zoned-out. It seems very minor compared to the menu of side-effects I could be experiencing, and yet it’s surprisingly aggravating.
I’m used to feeling an ebb and flow to life - waves of energy, exhaustion, wonder, gratitude, sadness, anticipation. I usually get excited about ideas and am swept away pondering the possibilities of what they could mean and how they could make a difference. The beauty of the world generally knocks me off my feet at least once a day. And the harshness of the world. Now this monochromatic haze makes me long for the peaks and valleys of daily life.
Like any sickness or limitation, this renews a great appreciation for the simplicity of normal. Feeling healthy and alert is a gift that of course we take for granted, but what a gift it is.
May your days be blessed with ups and downs, exhaustion and wakefulness.
